A short while ago I was going through all my old notebooks. I can assure you that I have loads and they’re all equally messy and equally valuable to me. So I got to a particularly torn up one and I flicked through its pages, when I got to a page that I had written in the start of this year. I had actually forgotten about it, and as I read through the words, I remembered how unbelievably angry this experience had made me and I realised that I ought to write a post about this experience. I just have to explain the fact that it’s not the boy who has done anything wrong – none of the boys for the matter, and I know I am slightly overreacting, but it’s the idea of it all that is so important to me. An idea that I am mind-blowingly sick with, but I’ll come to that. I’m going to take what I wrote in my notebook and rewrite it in here so it makes a little more sense – after all, it was written down rather quickly after a party, it’s kind of like deciphering hieroglyphs.
“A friday, in the start of my freshmen year, I went to a party. A rather good party, actually. I was talking to this boy; the usual sweet, pleasant guy that I had instantly friend zoned, of course. (‘Cause when do I actually talk to guys I’m really interested in?) We walked around quite a lot that evening. At some point we passed his friends, and one of them yells:” How’s it going with you woman,” or something. I was astonished. Mind my words, it sounds much worse in danish, and the way they put it. Ugh. Anyway, they decided wether I was his woman or not. After about three hours I’m his and I have completely no voice in on this matter. It made me so angry. It made me feel like I had no power. Later on, one of his friends, who I actually used to find quite charming (that feelings faded a little, obviously) came pushing us together, all like:” Have you ever kissed someone.” ect ect. Another place where I had no opinion whatsoever.
There’s two things that I find problematic. 1. A relationship is between two persons. Not two persons and five friends who will constantly yell at you. That’s the least important. I just needed you to know that you don’t have to do or tell anything you don’t want to. 2. They tend to forget that women are just as independent as men. We’re raised to see it as a battle lost when we’re alone. No, they’re not our man, but we’re their woman. I think there’s something wrong with the picture. Terribly wrong. In fact: Nobody’s no ones. I’m an individual being, who can easily get on, on my own. – Not that I wish to, I want a boyfriend, but when that time comes it’ll be between the two of us and it’ll be because I want to and because I choose to be his. I think men fail to realise this and I think women fail to realise this. Each in their own way. You know, they tend to forget that it is my body after all, not just some prize or some accessory for pleasure. It’s my body and I can do what ever I want with it. It doesn’t need to have another body next to it, to be fine. Guys, it’s our bodies. And you are not entitled to it.
Anyway, anyway. I just needed to get that out. Let me know what you think. What are your opinion on all of this?Leave me a comment down below, I would love that.
love, Anna 🙂